together we'll ring in the new year.

Holy shit, it's 2009!

The past year has been awesome and incredibly productive. I spent the entire year in a relationship with the most amazing man. I went back to school. I moved out. I think I buckled down.

Although, with the start of every year comes the inevitable: another birthday. This time I will be turning twenty-one. Being 21 is totally different from being 20. When you're 20, that's it, you're 20. But once you turn 21, it starts. The beginning of the end. You are a twentysomething. You are in your twenties. You are in the decade of weddings and babies and careers and decision-making. And I'm not talking double-or-decaf, pumps-or-kitten-heels decisions. I mean house-or-condo-, city-country-burbs, stay-at-home-mom-or-fierce-career-woman, paper-or-plastic kind of decisions.

I'm in cegep. I spend my days with seventeen-year-olds who are theoretically my peers. I've never been outside of Quebec for longer than four days. I work weekends in a smoothie bar. I buy Britney Spears albums. I am clearly not ready for a white picket fence.

I think the best I can do, for now, is pretend. I cannot change the literal factors in my life such as cegep or living in a 4 1/2 with Patricia, but I can adjust how I feel about these things. I can pretend like my schooling is really serious and important, and treat it as though it were the ultimate factor upon which the rest of my life were depending. (That's actually a pretty smart idea; it might actually lead to academic success.) I can think motivating things and reflect upon how my life is on track. It is, really, I'm just impatient. I want the future to come faster.

I want the semester to be over and to be embarking on my summer adventure with Scott. I want to be moved out of this apartment and living alone. I want two (ish) years to pass and then to consider moving in with Scott. I want cegep to be done so I can start studying real things. I want to move to BC and go to University there. I secretly want Scott to come with me. I want to become a journalist or columnist of sorts. I want to become a teacher. I want to live a life coherent with someone else's. I want to have a significant other/ spouse who is happy living where we live, who can work at his job comfortably or study where he studies comfortably... What I basically mean is that I want our separate lives to fit well together so that we can eventually build a common life to share, this anonymous spouse and I.

I'm a thinker. I think too much and I analyze to much and I dream too much. It's dangerous, because sometimes dreams don't work out. Sometimes dreams change. I guess change is far less problematic than failure, at least.

This New Year has been my most inspiring yet. As a rule, I generally don't "believe" in new year's resolutions or anything like that, but I have a feeling this year will be different. I actually have a feeling this year will be different about a lot of things. Normally, my theory is that if you want to change or improve something about yourself, there's no sense in waiting until the new calendar to change it, just do it! Interestingly enough, this year, my self-improvement "renovations" happen to fall around the new year, which seems pretty convenient. (It also happens to illustrate perfectly one of my goals: to be less passive-aggressive.) Also, since my life is generally more calendar-oriented (largely due to school), it should be easier to "structure" my year.

I've decided that 2009 is the year of trying new things. I'm going to try more outdoorsy things and appreciate nature. My main goal to keep an open mind and not be so quick to judge. I'm making a point of reminding myself that "trying new things" and "changing who you are" are two totally different things, when executed with control. I plan on trying new things. With Scott, probably, but for Scott, no. (Well, maybe a bit.) Mostly for myself, to expand my knowledge and increase my experiences. I'm excited to have new experiences, I'm excited to learn new things... I'm pretty much just excited about life.