Country Living, here I come.

If I ever have an article or column in Country Living magazine, I'm killing myself. I will papercut myself to death with the first issue. The title of my column could be "Adventures and Misadventures of a City Girl in the Country". I'd have articles like "My Pug Could Kick Your Border Collie's Ass" or "Feed My Goat What?!" about all the things my goat eats. There could be "Where's the Traffic?", "At Night I Hear Crickets Instead of Sirens", "Places I've Seen Squirrels" (Everywhere!) and "I Drove to my Neighbour's House".

My concept would be pointing out the absurdity in day-to-day country life from the perspective of a city girl. It'd be clever and innovative for awhile, but the magazine would eventually cut the column because it made the housewives depressed upon realizing that they're trapped in a vast, green wasteland of fresh air. The country folk just don't appreciate cynicism like us city gals do.

I will always be a city girl. No matter how many squirrels I feed or cushions I sew or campfires I have in my backyard, I will always be a city girl. What you do in life doesn't matter at all, as long as you remain who you are while you do it. It's simply a question of self-respect.